a bumblebee for every step closer to the afterlife
each one buzzes in my ear
"sad, so sad," i murmured,
but the buzzing just got louder, until it split into a million pieces
piercing my heart and causing it to rupture

"forgive me!" i said,
not wanting to fall, but arms they reached towards the cosmos,
we planned it before, but the time was now.

erasures clogged up my throat
edit, edit, edit. it will not come through-

"we had a good home," he told me, "a breath for every meal, and a moon garden that became our own."

"bumblebees came and pollinated, but you know, it was never enough"

so they circled round our heads, daunting, taunting. the bed and breakfast is now closed, and the skyscrapers rusted. the sky has fallen down, so we now live above the atmosphere, but my arms are still too short to reach the open window.

Resplendent women
surrounded by clouds of glitter
delved idiosyncratically
into the shallow pools of sapphire

raising knowledge
braiding into cirrus,
harvesting,
and dames
their reforestation plans
up in smoke, after bears spit fire to its words.
"We have not yet seen the Greatest land! We know not of what is being done in the shadows!"

Spinning, they each fell.
One, two, three,
until their breaths staggered,
where an oak tree
coughed nectar from it's deep throat-
labyrinths of marbled lumber.
"We've reaped our destinies long before we took a breath!"

Again, again.

Elsie failing, forgotten pixies

Everlasting, unceasing whisperings
tucked under waterfalls;
Phillipe told me, "The only way to ever know what He is saying is to drown,"
which is how my mother went, vying for knowledge aforementioned and etched into ivory bones.
If I press hard enough I can feel my rhythm,
but my eternity did not begin at my inception!

raepheldae hamastalde, kleamaere, holmedstarde

Elsie sees his form through the curtain,
but I am crying under the comforters, after kissing his head.
Expectant mothers are groaning in the night
but my stomach growls each time I remember fawning.
I desired to explain, time and time again, the fear I possessed that he would not return,
I screamed, "Phillipe, come!", but remembered the ancient trimesters.
A pile of skin and bones, a pile: skin, and bones.

mourn for me, mourn for me, mourn for me,
I'm not taking him away, I said
guess, guess, guess,
and I did it for a reason and I can still remember why,
my fourth sense tingles when the breeze twirls in.

Red boats,
seven of them- pulled in their masts at the sound of Your footsteps
on the rocky waves, for they were being
silenced.
The men's lavender eyes turned upwards,
where the clouds were circling
round
and round
and round

Beneath the sea, the creatures came to life,
where the beads off Your wet feet
fell into the water, multiplied and
commanded them to awake.


"A reprieve! A reprieve!"
they whispered to their napping families, who,
carrying their water jugs, left their homes. The deep-sea
cottages they inhabited were now untouched, the last overcast day their minds would have to comprehend.

"forget, forget, forget"

each time it beeps, i have to remind myself of life everlasting,
how far away it is from where i am,
how close it can be.
"remember me!" he screams, not uttering the words, but grabbing my hand and telling me not to leave. how can i not, i think, with expletives shouted and black and blues (which i admit, i repeatedly pushed in deeper, as to not forget him)
but the arrow continually comes, and the check is always too late.
you promised or pleaded for forever, but it shouldn't have ended this way. salty's is still open, but i'm still yearning for last year, when it was just me, and
i can't even look at that woman anymore without her reminding me again and again.

i'm trying to make it known to you that maybe i want to disappear when i'm around you, i'm not interested anymore, i'm straying away, but you keep pulling me back, taunting me with your words, my heart falling faster, deeper into some fantastical mysteryland where it's dark and all that can be heard is slow humming. so you grabbed my hand and i agreed never to leave, but what i really meant is, "i will stay with you, if you promise that it will only be me." that is what i promised to you,

holy

enough already
enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough

be here already
and please
give me it,
so i can go to the beach alone while listening to the woodlands (the band, not the form of landscape)

sleep
sleep
sleep,
but don't dream yet,
i'm so far away

the wave was glued on my wall, that famous artwork, and i pleaded with him to give me it. later, i saw it on a dress.
but smile gayer and gayer until it awakens (as you tell it, "arise! arise! from where you have been, i call arise!")

breezing through the lace curtains i heard Him whisper
again
and again
and again,
but still did not move.
in the car
in the car
in the car,
i was with her. she told me the same as He, and i said i knew. i knew it was coming.
]]....=-[ppp[[[]'//./...[[[[[
(or as johnathan safran foer would put it-)
"c"
"c"
"c"
"c"
"c"
"c"
"c"

but there's always sounds in silences

"don't fall deeper", i told him,
shadows from the trees masquerading on the curtains of my room

earthfeathers (pt. 2)

"show me,"
she sang,
her arms fluttering upwards to the sky
the leaves were falling but she was moving higher,

"embrace me,"
she happily screamed,
her hair looking like feathers in the wind

inside her eyes were pools,
and wells of honeycombed ice castles,
her lips were brandy wine and
and,
and
every time i glanced down at her hands,
(which were so delicate, i could never forget)
lullabies surrounded me

we were one kingdom
and one hope-
winking at a place that was to come,
a fragrant rose not yet in bloom
seeds in the forest
seeds in the packages in the grocery
seeds in my hand


as my fingers graced her champagne wings
ivory tears
staining my cheeks


she will not flutter off, however - - - -


.
.
.

(we were always here)

my mind is a still ocean
with gentle waves,
white noise-
whisperings of golden fragments and labial pronunciations
i will not disappear
or fall deeper into the sea


and i knew,
i always knew i would go with her
the threads around my wrists unraveling,
creating pulleys and weights and propelling me higher

distance stretching further beyond us
we are still one kingdom
awarded a single crown
love prevailing


i always believed her
i kiss her forehead
i still feel safe

earthfeathers

"maybe follow me,"
she whispered,
her wings sparkling from the light pouring through the branches

"follow me,"
she told me,
as we spoke about galaxies on her bed

her phone keeps beeping, but she doesn't want to be without me
the messages keep getting rejected from being unopened,
moving from mobile to mobile like bouncing checks

the silence here is so heavy it feels like a void,
a vacuum i can immerse myself in,
i can't help feeling, however, as if there's others existing here too

her wings smell like fresh, sweet earth
she knows she could take me far away from here
but i don't want to be anywhere else

she will not flutter off - - - -


.
.
.

(we are still here)

my mind seems perpetually nomadic though; i wish i could stop thinking about that bearded man with the paper cup, reaching up to the sky, asking God for change...
or maybe just hoping he will disappear

the threads around my wrist will not take me up,
but maybe if i went with her,


2,504 miles
(she found it on the map)


i still believe her

i still feel safe

grey gardens,
your father in those photographs,
his eyes were shimmering
"halo, halo, halo"
i keep thinking

jeremy the fox whispered in my ear
the names of ancient cities
i smiled, but the buzzing wouldn't stop

behind your architectured forms,
the streams were spinning
constellations reshuffling
under my feet

my hair becomes braided, ropes in
the wilderness
i exhale, but it's all still
glittering

suitcase of fireflies
garage sales and old churches selling records
histories attach
the sun is shining, for the first time in six months
and all i want is it to be dark
to sit in my backyard
in the grass
hear the cicadas (which, i remember, mark ate when he was drunk that one time)
and be with you

i am light
i am light
i am light